Musings

I'm extremely afraid of the unknown. I have a crippling fear of it. But wait, who doesn't? (at least, in the beginning) And btw, if you know me, I overthink. I overthink, a little too much. I worry about whether I switched off the wifi at home after I reach my workplace.  I worry that I forget my car keys when I leave the house. I worry about what people will think of me, whether they would think that I am too overly friendly or too pushy or just downright making them feel uncomfortable because they don't really want to talk to me. Or if I was being too unkind to them with my words and probably have hurt their feelings. Basically, I overthink when I cannot see what is in the dark. I wish I could be in control of the things that happened in my life, but I know its not in my hands. But as I reflect, I recall what the good doctor once said to me, "I think embrace the unknown. It will make you wiser and advance faster than others." To me, this ...

You beautiful being With deep eyes that speak a thousand things You beautiful being Speak wisdom and wondrous things You beautiful being Kindness oozes from your very soul You beautiful being Strings words together like a melody You beautiful being Always listens attentively You beautiful being Gentle like a dove You beautiful being A smile that lights up a gloomy street You beautiful being So far away, but one day we'll surely meet

Life. Maybe beautiful. Sometimes very frail. Means something else to you. Makes a little sense to me, sometimes. Problems happens in life, like it or not. Blame ourself, we do, and we tear ourselves apart. But love, know this: you are not alone, ever. There are those who doubt you, made you feel sad. Sometimes, you beat yourself up, trying to meet with societal standards. Listen, darling, you are important; listen, darling, you have made a difference. Yes, you matter. No, its not true that you are not good enough. Be still, silence the voices; listen, you are real, and yes, you matter, yes. Don't be strong alone. We are here. We believe. You matter, you matter, you matter! Love never gives up. You matter, and we believe in you.

I dream of... Roaming free in a vast, green meadow, Enjoying the embrace of the morning sun, Lying in the grass, just like how they do in the movies Full of joy, full of life. Small dreams, big dreams. They consume my mind They keep my heart racing They make me hunger for the future things to come. To be a bridge of communication between the nations To be the listening ear and warm embrace to those who are hurting To be the one who gives someone a ray of hope, that they are amount to something. To be... someone who makes an impact in another person's world. How can I get there? When will I get there? What can I do to get there? Who can help me get there? They say don't just dream Go, do something about it It is so uncertain, all my insides start to turn In my head, yet so far away. Will I always be here? Can I go where my heart wants to go? Is it even possible to go this far? Will I ever... go the distance? This love for life This love for advent...

The same staircase, the same grey carpeted floor, The same long red benches, the same pulpit, The same faces, but unfamiliar, just a few. The right-sided benches, a living memory, Of my youth with my friends, in our young, naive teens. We would gather round, on the top right side, Exchanging breath mints, whispering quietly. Though the same place, but such an unfamiliarly familiar place. More than 10 years, never changed, Still the same interpreter, still the same musicians, same preacher, No change. Wish I could come back and stay again, But even though I once knew you, you are now a stranger I wish I knew. Not ungrateful, not forgetful, My childhood and teens was built here. Always thankful for all that's been, But afraid I am, it's time to leave, Thank you for all you've done for me. I wish you well, I wish you the best. Thank you and good bye, I pray you find rest.

Lonely, insignificant washing machine, Washes the clothes and bedsheets clean, Working tirelessly day by day, Alone, tired and always in pain. Never complains, just loves, she does, the washing machine was fair and just, washing every shirt and dress, down to tiny socks and pants. Curious I was about the machine, I snuck out one night and took a peek, I thought it was the washing machine, Wrong I was, oh yes, it seems. Sitting on a little stool, Scrubbing, rinsing and wringing the clothes, It was mother, messy hair and all, Washing my mischief and the mud from the park. My mother is my washing machine, truly she is, she is more than that, it seems. Faithful, loving, gracious and bright, Mother always loves to smile. Once when I was a little girl I wanted fried chicken and she said, 'To KFC we go!' We ordered a snack plate for RM5 I ate the flesh but she ate the bones. When I was a teen, I was really rude, I slammed the door and shouted, 'I HAT...

Through the night, I walk abreast in the midnight breeze. Walking down the streets, feeling the wind on my skin. I realized how long I've been working, not having any rest; just toiling and toiling, never really went out to see the sunset. As I went for a walk around the neighbourhood, I could smell the fragrance from the mango trees, its pretty flowers dancing in the smiling sunrays, glorious, graceful and magnificent. I never knew such beauty, or maybe I did; After so long of being shut in a place of darkness, pressure and pain, its about time I stepped out to join the rain. I could feel the rain drops fall on my skin; such a gentle touch, a whisper from the wind. The coolness warms my heart, I wonder when it will ever stop. I close my eyes, embracing the sights, the sounds and the loving caress of the cool waters. Lay down in bed at ten minutes to one, my wandering thoughts, stay, be still, stay calm; I stare at the ceiling, imagining the stars twinkling so brigh...