Musings

What I'm about to say might make sense to some, might trigger some, might not mean anything to some. Just read it with a grain of salt. As much I respect your views and value them, I hope you also respond respectfully too. Be kind with your words, please. I wrote this with a brain on drugs. (flu and throat infection drugs, that is. Hahahaha) It's day 6 of the new year and also, the second week of the school year. Yeay to surviving the first week, although I am still in a complete blur state, even after 5 years of teaching (I am now in my sixth) whilst having to manage a lot of minor admin work and juggling with emotions and other shenanigans that are part of my daily waltz. Speaking of which, the realm of education in Malaysia has been plagued with all sorts of happenings that in my opinion, were blown out of proportion and are not priorities to begin with. If you look at them collectively, it is mostly a bunch of wannabes who have no proper proof or reason to argue over a ...

2019 has been an amazing year of ups and downs. But most importantly, 2019 has been a year of meeting really inspiring and encouraging individuals, who have changed how I view the world and have challenged me to renew my mind and to see things from a different perspective. Its 10 days before Christmas. I figured I should write a post to talk about the 10 people who made a huge impact on my life this year. The list is in no particular order. 1. The Youthful Yoongs, Dr Dave and Sue-Anne I first met Dr David Yoong in his discourse analysis class in 2018. I was awkward throughout and hated his guts for the first nine weeks. But I slowly learned how passionate he is about what he was doing and it inspired me to want to take up discourse analysis for my final research. Fast forward, I am so thankful to have met this wise beyond his years supervisor of mine who not only inspired me to take up discourse analysis for my research, he also in one way or another, challenged me to take m...

I couldn't sleep last night. The thoughts in my head were like running stallions; it was running wild. It was probably because of my upcoming conference presentation and other things that are out of my control. That was when I realized that for almost 10 years (ever since I stepped out of home and lived on my own), I never really learned to be still. My mind was constantly working from morning to night, even when I tried to sleep it was still thinking of 10001 things, be it the kiddos in school, how some of the kiddos have issues I can't solve, worrying about how my paper presentation will come out; whether it would come out a disaster or would it be helpful to those coming to listen... and also, overanalysing certain things people say (why do I always have this worse case scenario mindset, always so fearful and worried) when in reality, it isn't as bad as my madly imaginative mind makes it to be. Not being able to sleep and borderline panicking, I drove out of the ...

I'm extremely afraid of the unknown. I have a crippling fear of it. But wait, who doesn't? (at least, in the beginning) And btw, if you know me, I overthink. I overthink, a little too much. I worry about whether I switched off the wifi at home after I reach my workplace.  I worry that I forget my car keys when I leave the house. I worry about what people will think of me, whether they would think that I am too overly friendly or too pushy or just downright making them feel uncomfortable because they don't really want to talk to me. Or if I was being too unkind to them with my words and probably have hurt their feelings. Basically, I overthink when I cannot see what is in the dark. I wish I could be in control of the things that happened in my life, but I know its not in my hands. But as I reflect, I recall what the good doctor once said to me, "I think embrace the unknown. It will make you wiser and advance faster than others." To me, this ...

You beautiful being With deep eyes that speak a thousand things You beautiful being Speak wisdom and wondrous things You beautiful being Kindness oozes from your very soul You beautiful being Strings words together like a melody You beautiful being Always listens attentively You beautiful being Gentle like a dove You beautiful being A smile that lights up a gloomy street You beautiful being So far away, but one day we'll surely meet

Life. Maybe beautiful. Sometimes very frail. Means something else to you. Makes a little sense to me, sometimes. Problems happens in life, like it or not. Blame ourself, we do, and we tear ourselves apart. But love, know this: you are not alone, ever. There are those who doubt you, made you feel sad. Sometimes, you beat yourself up, trying to meet with societal standards. Listen, darling, you are important; listen, darling, you have made a difference. Yes, you matter. No, its not true that you are not good enough. Be still, silence the voices; listen, you are real, and yes, you matter, yes. Don't be strong alone. We are here. We believe. You matter, you matter, you matter! Love never gives up. You matter, and we believe in you.

I dream of... Roaming free in a vast, green meadow, Enjoying the embrace of the morning sun, Lying in the grass, just like how they do in the movies Full of joy, full of life. Small dreams, big dreams. They consume my mind They keep my heart racing They make me hunger for the future things to come. To be a bridge of communication between the nations To be the listening ear and warm embrace to those who are hurting To be the one who gives someone a ray of hope, that they are amount to something. To be... someone who makes an impact in another person's world. How can I get there? When will I get there? What can I do to get there? Who can help me get there? They say don't just dream Go, do something about it It is so uncertain, all my insides start to turn In my head, yet so far away. Will I always be here? Can I go where my heart wants to go? Is it even possible to go this far? Will I ever... go the distance? This love for life This love for advent...